I never have required much sleep but nowadays I’m lucky I get five hours a night. I have tried everything short of sleeping pills but still can’t seem to quiet the voices in my head.When I was younger I was always the one who was never able to focus. I spent more time out in the hallway than I did in class. I used humor to hide the fact that I couldn’t concentrate longer than ten minutes at a time. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to learn. I just couldn’t focus on the task at hand. I was always two or three steps ahead anticipating what was going to happen next. Nowadays they call it ADD but back then I was a “handful”.
I am a big list maker. I have to multi task at work and making lists seem to be the way I can keep everything straight. Sometimes I have a hard time concentrating because of lack of sleep. I have tried meditation, melatonin, caffeine free anything and whatever else it takes to quiet my mind.
I recently had a “float” session. You lay in a large tub covered with a lid filled with salt water. Lots of salt. It’s like the mini Dead Sea. Sort of like a tomb. So not only do I have numerous voices in my head but I’m claustrophobic. Didn’t think I would last more than ten minutes. My attention span. It is dark and completely silent.
After those illustrious ten minutes and I realized I wasn’t going to drown, my shoulders finally relaxed and I fell into a deep sleep. I mean I checked out. Like in surgery. Like being drugged. I stayed that way not knowing how long. I had lost all sense of time. When I finally did come back it was because I felt a chill. Otherwise I probably would still be floating.
I wish I could retain that state out of the pod. I didn’t have any aches or pains from my back, didn’t feel stiff and realized that I could, if only briefly, experience real relaxation. I kept telling myself I could have at least some of that peace if I just trusted myself and my decisions. They may not always go the way I want them to but they have been made with deep thought and consideration for having a better life.
I have to say I was feeling rather blue today not being home and feeling alone so thought the best thing to do was “float” to a yoga class in my favorite neighborhood. I love the space and the warm smile from the woman who checked me in made me want to cry. And during the class I did. I floated through the yoga class determined to look at the brighter side. After all Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and a lightness from love should be in the air. My yoga teacher left all of us beautiful small cards with a simple heart that shimmered. And float.