“What a lovely surprise to discover how un-lonely being alone can be.” Ellen Burstyn I’ve spent many hours by myself on location trying to find how to fill the void of not being at home or when at home and alone, content. Recently it’s been more difficult than usual. I’ve always had my family around and now that has changed. I decided to accept a long term job out of town and with it has come a number of challenges.
It’s nice discovering new things and places to go when on location but I’m usually never gone more than four months. This project is lasting until next April which presents a much different outlook on being “out of town.”
I could easily fall into the trap of feeling sorry for myself but I put myself here so it’s up to me to figure it out. I’m not trying to be melodramatic just pragmatic. We really do have a choice and whatever that choice may be it’s my responsibility to find the right direction.
I know I have relied on others to make me feel satisfied but I need to realize I am a worthwhile companion. I have had the illusion that if I fill my time with other things I wouldn’t be alone. But loneliness, I have found, can be be whether you are by yourself or with many. When I stop expecting others to meet all of my needs I find new and exciting ways to enjoy my own friendship.
I am trying to spend time exploring the most intimate relationship I will ever have…the relationship with myself. All of the self help and spiritual books in the world are only words until I embrace what I have in me. Each time I find a task too overwhelming I tell myself to take it one step at a time. I have heard that too many times but it has really started to resonate with me on a much higher level now. This time I am really alone to listen. And the message is loud and clear. Know thyself.