It has been so long since I have written a post. Just felt the need to take a break. Felt I was getting stale and wasn’t into writing. Quite frankly, felt I had lost the desire or love or need or whatever it is when you are afraid it’s just not good enough.
I have the problem a lot in my professional and personal life. Call it what you will it can be maddening or exhilarating depending on how you look at it. Even now as I try to write what I feel I am having a hard time putting into words what my feelings are saying. The conversation never seems to stop in my head.
Yes, I have tried meditation numerous times and continue to believe it will help quiet the voices. God knows I’ve practiced enough yoga in the 47 years since I first threw down the mat. I want to be patient, kind and positive in my thoughts. But the search for perfection seeps in and I feel somewhat lost. Not in an, I want to jump off a bridge lost but in an, I feel blue lost. It’s not all the time and comes and goes. I have times of sheer joy in just being healthy and alive but there are those moments or even days where I wish I was clever enough to write the next great American novel.
You would think with all of the electronic help we have nowadays I would be able to google an answer in how to reach perfection. In work. In life. In love. But alas it’s just a computer and doesn’t have the capacity to be human. I am the only one to have that capacity and should revel in the fact that I am able to have the luxury. Regardless of how imperfect it can be at times. Being human can be perfect.