Health

As months go on without knowing when I will be going back to work and looking for something to quell my anxiousness, I started watching Glee. I never paid much attention to it when it was in its heyday. But with a pandemic, having never lived through one, it tends to make you do things you wouldn’t normally do.

I was looking for something to take my mind off the day to day news and have always loved musicals so this seemed the perfect fit when I was surfing the many options we now have in TV land.

I have to say from the moment I tuned into the pilot I was hooked. I found myself watching sometimes four in a row not because of the storyline but because of the amazing talent that this show put together. Yes, it’s about a group of high school kids who are being looked upon as misfits and are thrown together in a glee club. That’s a lot of singing and dancing and competition. But it was so well done and the talent so immense I was addicted to the show every night.

There was one character in particular that I immediately fell for as I’m sure so many did because he was so well, likable. There was a sweetness to him that made him sexy and vulnerable. Not to mention his powerful voice.

It was Finn. I will say there were some whose voices were definitely stronger but when Finn sang it melted your heart. Well, my heart anyway. Off-screen he seemed quiet and shy which made me like him even more. Everyone who spoke of him said how funny and talented he was but he also had a dark secret.

Cory Monteith (his real name) was an addict. He had an addiction since he was a young man and had fought to stay clean. He seemed to be winning the battle for a while until finally, it took his life at 31 years old. That’s my son’s age so his youth was close to home. As I was watching him perform as well as all of the others I was in awe and even envious of how lucky they were to have such talent. I have always thought that if I had that kind of talent I wouldn’t have a care in the world. Everything would be perfect.

Addiction is tough even in the best of circumstances. On the outside, Cory seemed to have the world at his feet and yet it wasn’t enough. These are difficult times right now and people are trying to live with uncertainty and fear of what the outcome will be. Now more than ever we need to really focus on our mental health issues. Depression is real and not a “condition” we can wish away. I encourage everyone to seek help even if you think you don’t need it. Just knowing you aren’t alone is the first step.

There are so many agencies out there to help. I have seen a therapist many times and I am not embarrassed in the least to say so. When I was younger I went through a dark period and turned to therapy. Even today it has helped me get through tough times in my life. Having someone listen who is totally objective puts clarity on things that sometimes are too cloudy for me to see. I urge anyone who feels lost now to reach out for help. Whether there be a pandemic or not, just knowing you’re not alone can make all the difference in the world.

Healing takes time and asking for help is a courageous step. Or to quote Albert Camus, “In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.”

I have practiced yoga for many many years and have had my ups and downs with my confidence level. When I was younger, I was more agile, stronger and flexible. What I never really had a problem with was balance. Man, have times changed!

I was never great at tree pose where you balanced one foot against your thigh and raised your arms up high and strong like branches. Some days I would hold the pose for a long period of time without wavering and other times I could barely keep my foot stable for a few minutes.

But now even the simplest poses seem to allude me. I find myself falling over and feeling like a klutz. How is that possible after practicing for forty-eight years?! I feel weak. Not to others but to myself. I am reminded that my body is not what it use to be. I am still a size six and climb forty-seven steps up to my house numerous times on any given day. But balancing from right to left can be ridiculously challenging.

When I find I can’t practice the way I use to it reminds me of how other things in life are not as easy. I don’t mean physically. I mean the day to day living. The balance of life.

There are days when my balance is totally off. When no matter how I remind myself of my good fortune, I have doubts as to whether I will be able to handle all of the unknowns that await me. Sometimes it’s a bit overwhelming. All the self-help books, affirmations, and meditations just don’t seem to alleviate the restlessness I feel. I can tell you I don’t know all the answers and wonder how other people swing the life balance in a positive direction.

One definition of balance is a condition in which different elements are equal or in the same proportions. So my goal then is to try to balance the quiet with the noise. To counterbalance the worry with the same amount of security knowing that everything is going to turn out ok. In fact, even better than ok. Because at the end of every yoga session is Shavasana. It might look like a nap at the end of your yoga practice. But it’s actually a fully conscious pose aimed at being awake, yet completely relaxed. Now that’s my kind of balance.