Positive Thinking

I won’t go into detail why my sister is my hero. She just is and that’s that.  She shows me everyday what strength is and for that I am reminded of everyday people as heros.

I truly believe you hear and understand things at your own pace.  Doesn’t matter how well educated you are or how old you are to really filter and embrace information that is given to you.  I think we have the idea that a hero is one who has super human powers or gives of themselves in a profound way.  Yes, there are the Mother Teresas and the Gandhis and the Nelson Mandelas.  They are a given.  It seems they are just born to be great.

Then there is the rest of us.  And there are so many people out there on a day to day basis that are heros in their own right.  I was on an over packed plane the other day and the stewardess’ were definitely heros at that moment.  They effortlessly and kindly got 300 plus people boarded with the mounds of luggage and all of our quirks loaded in a cool 15 minutes.  That was after a horrendous week of flight cancellations and weather chaos.  Yes, I know there are times when it can be not as it seems.  I have come across some “not so nice” airline employees.  But I have to honestly think about how I behaved when tired or frustrated and I have to say if I was on the other side I would probably not win an award for perfect behavior.

I decided this time I would really make an effort to take everything in stride with this trip.  Let me just say I hate to fly and always have so before I even head to the airport I have a lot of angst.  And here it comes back to me finally understanding at MY own pace that if I accept that everything is going to go as it is and whatever the outcome accept it and know that everything is going to be ok.  And believe it or not, it was.  The lines were still long.  I still had to strip down to go through security. There were a billion people (ok maybe not a billion but it always seems that way) wanting to get on my plane at the same time and I was all the way in the back. (You know, one of the last ones to get off…).  Having claustrophobia  doesn’t help either.  But I knew that there was nothing to be done and I was going to take each phase in stride.

It turned out I met a lovely couple sitting next to me.  When I told one of the stewardess that she should be canonized for how she and her colleagues  loaded the plane with such ease, she was so appreciative of the comment that she couldn’t do enough for me the rest of the flight.  Even checking in my luggage,it  was exactly the correct weight and the security could not have gone smoother.  And all of these people, everyone working in the airport, were still dealing with the havoc left by the weather.

This is just one entity who goes to their job regardless of the bedlam in their personal life to help us with everything from operations to welcoming you to a hotel.  It is bitter cold right now where I am and the poor bellman didn’t have any gloves because the weather is so unusual.  I gave him some gloves to use and you would have thought it was the pot of gold.  But in the wee hours of the morning when we are going to work he will be there to help us.  I know it’s his job as it is for all of the others but I guess when I really evaluate what it is to be a hero it’s those that are here to help me as I hope I can help them.

And let me just say that every time I remind myself to stop, take a deep breath and be aware of the other person’s world, it just seems to go easier.  Funny, that.  Believe me, I still have my moments but hopefully I am becoming more and more aware and thankful of my personal heros.

It seems any adventure I start always is exciting when I first begin.  The learning process is challenging and can be frustrating.  The more knowledge I acquire the more I want to know.  And sometimes that can get in the way of learning.   It is becoming more difficult to  keep my focus on any one thing for any length of time.

I am a big list maker because if I don’t write down everything that’s going on in my head I will never remember anything.  And with age the memory seems, at times, to be my worst enemy.  The frustration of not being able to remember things that use to be second nature can be infuriating.  And that’s where the discipline comes into play.  What use to come to me so easily is starting to be a thing of the past.

Now I refuse to buy into the excuse of age.  Just won’t do it.  I believe discipline plays the most essential part of living fully.  But I am finding my focus and restlessness is becoming more apparent.  I am the one with ten books next to my bed and magazines piled up because I refuse to throw away any knowledge I may be missing.  And that can lead to my lack of discipline in doing anything. It seems I am a jack of all trades,  but a master of none.  I have a lot of fun facts to know and tell at the next cocktail party that in short snippets can be impressive but in the big picture seems just that: cocktail talk.

This all leads to what I have found for me to be the biggest obstacle for discipline and that’s the technical world.  Can’t believe I’m saying that.  This coming from someone who has always gone the creative route and not so interested in the technical world.  Never was that passionate about math or science.  The arts was and still is my love and passion.  But I have been connected with something that has never been in my grasp.  Free and easy knowledge available to me 24 hours a day seven days a week.

I haven’t gone so crazy that everything I do is on my phone or my Ipad or my computer but just listing all of those tells me it isn’t far off.  I’m struggling not to make it the only way I can to get my knowledge.  I still have to have the New York Sunday Times in the paper form.  Love to sit with my morning coffee and physically turn the pages.  The Style section has great ads that don’t appear online and I find inspiration in seeing the design of those ads.  I love to page through a magazine and smell the ink from the fresh print.  Yes, there are still some magazines that actually still have that wonderful smell.

Maybe it’s keeping my past close to me that keeps me hanging on to what is becoming obsolete.  I keep saying how I want life to be simple and it is a lot easier to carry an Ipad with all the information I could possibly need than to carry newspapers or magazines or a book. But I’ll never give up what has made me happy for so long.  I just have to be disciplined not to let it overwhelm me.

This may sound a bit silly to think something like this could be overwhelming but it sets off a reminder of what else is swirling in my head of things that need to get done.  With my tendency to be pulled away by just about any shiny object too many choices can leave me feeling like I have kept busy but accomplished very little.  Guilt has a way of rearing it’s ugly head when I let too many days go by without my yoga or meditation or keeping tracking of healthy eating or anything else I tried to accomplish to feel better and enjoy my private moments.

When discipline, however, leads to guilt I have to step back and realize that what I am trying to accomplish in my everyday life is suppose to make me feel better not less.  I have to be disciplined enough to give myself a break without slacking off so much that I don’t continue to do anything at all.  The art of discipline I am trying to discover and learn from is to know the difference and be kind to myself.