I feel like I’m in limbo. In between projects and not enough to sort out everything before I hit the road. You know how in your mind you think you’ll be ok and you’ll be able to get everything done on time and then the time is flying by and your realize your mind is playing tricks on you again?
I guess I thought I was becoming more evolved in taking care of what is good for me but yet again the old patterns are creeping into my psyche. I have a goal of having permanent residency in Canada but that comes with consequences. Like living two out of five years in Canada in order to keep my status. Didn’t think it would be so hard to do as I don’t have to do it all at once but here we are coming up on the time and I am nowhere near that goal. Not that I want to spend the rest of my life In Canada but I have decided that where I am in my life now options are a good thing.
I’ve been busy working, which is always good for a lot of reasons but it tends to be difficult when you are freelance and you don’t have the freedom to pick and choose. Ah yes, I do have a choice and with that comes conditions but until the proverbial gun has been put to my head I haven’t really sat down and thought about the linguistics.
So now I’m headed off to Vancouver for a bit of time and although it is in Canada and in my mind seems to be the perfect scenario I feel like it’s my mind telling me to go and not my heart. And that tugging makes me feel like I’m in limbo. Quite frankly it’s not the job or Vancouver or leaving. It’s just me. I guess I’m in a slump. I guess slump and limbo could be one and the same. With all of the other changes in my life it’s not surprising.
They say change is vital in keeping you alive and thriving. But could the change be a bit more gentle and not like the recent gale storms that have been sweeping the country? And then again I get an aha moment when I realize that before I was making decisions with my head and the change in me now to make decisions from my heart is what is putting me in my limbo. My vulnerability is now upfront instead of hidden which is where it has been for so long.
No one said change is easy but I have to trust that in the change I will come out of limbo clearer and leading with my heart. Still a work in progress.
