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There are many ways to look at what appears to be gifts.  This time of year I’m reminded of what should happen. Christmas means gifts and other stuff but mostly about what I am going to give everyone.   I’m always worried about the right gift for each person and try to choose what I think is a good fit.  I’m also always worried about whether they will like what I have chosen.

What happens is I usually see something during the year in my travels that seems like something that is just perfect for that particular person and buy it to have it for Christmas.  But I’m  the kind of person who can’t wait to give it to them so usually I don’t wait until the holidays.  Then the holiday rolls around and I’m back to square one. Continue reading →

Home is where the heart is.  That’s what keeps going through my mind as I reacclimate myself to being back in Los Angeles.  I know physically where I am right now is my home.  It’s where my mail is sent.  It’s where I spend most of my time when I am not traveling.  It’s where my family lives.  It’s where most of my belongings are.  So it should be home figuratively, emotionally and spiritually.

But somehow after having spent one month in Bali and living my life on my terms it seems that where ever I am at the moment seems like home.  I practiced yoga everyday with some of the most amazing teachers who taught me, even after all these years of practicing, that there was still so much to learn.  About the poses and about myself.  There were times when I would be in a position and out of nowhere become so emotional that I started crying and couldn’t stop.  Embarrassing and enlightening.  Yin yoga was by far my favorite and I felt the most at home when I was holding those poses for five minutes at a time.  It doesn’t seem like a long time until you realize that the pain is a lot deeper than you thought.  In so many ways.

I realized that in order for me to be able to be fully present with everyone and everything around me I needed to be at home with myself.  To rid myself of feeling guilty for not living my life on my terms.  It can be very difficult for me as I have always tried to be there.  And I am finding that I am losing part of myself in doing so out of guilt.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to feel comfortable in a home that I am not use to living in.  I’m doing the best I can right now.   But I know if I’m not at home with myself I won’t be able to make others feel at home.  And home IS where the heart is.

I have been in Bali now for over two weeks.  I have been religiously doing my yoga everyday and have had incredible teachers in every class.  Today my teacher, who is Japanese had to give the class in two languages as a large Japanese group has arrived at the Yoga Barn.  She still was very concise in her instruction, loving in her comments and funny in a wonderful, pure way.  And all in two languages.  English is her second language and so she does not have the command of all of the subtleties you have when it is your mother tongue.  It seems to work well in yoga.  Because the simplicity of yoga is what I love.  I want to strip away all of the flowery descriptions and just listen to my body.  And her kind, loving and simple words makes it so easy for me that I find my emotions are right on the surface.  I have found myself on the verge of tears more now in my practice than I have in a long time.

On the other hand, another one of my teachers is American and he is very funny.  His class is just as powerful as my Japanese teacher only lighter.  He makes me laugh instead of cry and reminds me not to take myself so seriously.  He says if you do the pose perfectly that’s amazing!  And if you do the pose not perfectly that’s amazing!  To be happy where you are right in the moment and be thankful you are able to practice what you love.

My writing has become more reflective because of my yoga.  They say if you go to the darkest place that is where you will truly write from your heart and the words will flow.  There has been some dark moments and at first I was too afraid to go there.  But today I figured it was now or never and I couldn’t type fast enough to say everything I have been wanting to say for years.  Even now this is easier for me to write as I feel a freedom I haven’t felt in a very long time.

So I say suksma, suksma, suksma, which is thank you in the mother tongue here is Bali.   I still have about ten days to go and I say bring it on!