It has been so long since I have written a post. Just felt the need to take a break. Felt I was getting stale and wasn’t into writing. Quite frankly, felt I had lost the desire or love or need or whatever it is when you are afraid it’s just not good enough.
I have the problem a lot in my professional and personal life. Call it what you will it can be maddening or exhilarating depending on how you look at it. Even now as I try to write what I feel I am having a hard time putting into words what my feelings are saying. The conversation never seems to stop in my head.
Yes, I have tried meditation numerous times and continue to believe it will help quiet the voices. God knows I’ve practiced enough yoga in the 47 years since I first threw down the mat. I want to be patient, kind and positive in my thoughts. But the search for perfection seeps in and I feel somewhat lost. Not in an, I want to jump off a bridge lost but in an, I feel blue lost. It’s not all the time and comes and goes. I have times of sheer joy in just being healthy and alive but there are those moments or even days where I wish I was clever enough to write the next great American novel.
You would think with all of the electronic help we have nowadays I would be able to google an answer in how to reach perfection. In work. In life. In love. But alas it’s just a computer and doesn’t have the capacity to be human. I am the only one to have that capacity and should revel in the fact that I am able to have the luxury. Regardless of how imperfect it can be at times. Being human can be perfect.
It is early Christmas morning and the sun has not come up. I have been up since the wee hours not being able to sleep. Excitement over Christmas? Not like when I was a kid. Even though my childhood was sometimes not the most joyous I still remember Christmas as being a time of excitement and hope. 
I had a birthday recently and as usual, I spent the time at work. Usually, I celebrate with family on the weekend if it falls on a weekday so it never really feels like my birthday.