Nothing is more frightening to me that change. Nothing. And yet I look for it at every turn. I have never had a full-time job in all the years I’ve been in my profession. Six or seven months was probably the longest project I worked on. And I loved it. But recently the change has been more and more in me not my job. I have not been satisfied with what has been around me. I have started to look for silence in a world that seems to be constantly chattering. The verbal, the sound of typing from the computer, the TV, the traffic or whatever it is I am in the middle of at the moment. More and more I am looking toward the sound of my breathing during meditation or yoga. That inner peace that doesn’t want or need to change.
In the past, I was always looking for a change in my surroundings or entertainment or relationships. I was always afraid I was missing something. If I didn’t go to all the right functions I wouldn’t get what I needed to be successful. But I realize now I was never comfortable in all of that change. It was just a way of avoiding the voices that told me if I just keep pushing I would be successful and then I would be happy and all of my problems would go away.
And then everything would change and it would be different and I would be inspired. I would move onto the next project and all of the uncertainty and insecurity was in a strange way exciting. I loved pushing what I knew to the edge and pushed harder to know more. It never seemed enough. I could never get enough.
I expected everyone else to have that same passion that I had and grew impatient when they didn’t. Why didn’t they want to change? Why didn’t they want to grow? Weren’t they bored? Didn’t they want to reach that edge?
Now I find that my world is changing in a different way. A quieter way. I don’t want or need to be on the edge. I have seen that and have once too often gone over the edge. I was excited for the moment but that moment was fleeting.
I am now embarking on another adventure totally out of my comfort zone. Yes, I am changing from my present profession. It is disconcerting but this time I am at peace knowing I am following my heart. What I feel I have to do will keep me motivated and inspired. I don’t want to sound glib. I really have a strong conviction for this change.
How do you feel about the changes in your life? Scared? Apprehensive? Excited?
Feel it all and then do it anyway. It doesn’t matter how old you are or where you are in your life. I say, Here’s to change!!!