Patience has always been a tough one for me. I mean really tough. Even just getting in a car to drive somewhere can make me crazy. Nothing seems to be moving fast enough. Even with all of the obvious things I’ve done. Meditation, yoga (I mean, forty years of yoga!), running, breathing, listening to music. Even talking to myself. But that voice in my head and the anxiousness in my body sometimes seems to cast all good intentions to the wind. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t like being impatient. I don’t like being around me when I lose my patience. I have really tried to understand why I let things get to me. Why all of it should be so important. Why I should be able to see the humor in my silly behavior.
I have just recently begun to really look into what makes me tick. The thousands of thoughts in my head screaming to get out into words that makes me anxious. I can’t speak or get things done fast enough. I listen to what people say and I can’t wait for them to finish because my brain is working so much faster than the words coming out of their mouths. It’s not that I don’t want to listen. It’s that my mind isn’t letting me. And if there is anything, ANYTHING that is within my eye line to lore me there that’s where I go. I find myself starting numerous tasks during the day and never finishing one completely because something else is pulling me away. And then I go back to the first task and then the next unfinished task and then the next unfinished task and by the end of the day, I am exhausted.
But over the years I have learned how to make the lists and itemize the tasks in my head. I have run whole departments for multimillion-dollar films with the skill of a master. I have learned how to compensate for the “disability” of not being able to be patient.
Now I realize that what has gotten me this far has taken a large toll on my well being. It has robbed me of the moments of silence, of peace, of acceptance. And though I have a very successful career to show for it I’m ready to be successful in the joy of living and allowing the things that have made me so crazy to just happen and not send me over the edge.
I recently had an incident where my impatience would have gotten the better of me. I told myself to be patient, to trust my gut. I knew it was something I couldn’t control so the outcome was going to happen regardless of how my impatience was going to react. I had sleepless nights but knew I had to lay back and not react. And everything turned out well. Really well. And I didn’t appear to be the reactive one. I was thought of as having a lot of patience. Not something I’ve always been known to have! But it felt great!
And so how does patience play a role in your well being? Please let me know if you have some suggestions that have worked for you. I still believe yoga has been one of my saving graces but sometimes an idea from someone can spark the imagination to grasp a new way and run with it.
So I take a deep breath (breathing does help) and move through it. Patience…patience…patience